We have grown up with the idea that judgement is the right way, that everything has to be judged and evaluated, that nothing but judgement can tell us how we are doing in our lives. This concept is so deeply ingrained in ourselves that most of the time we judge people or situations without even being aware of it. As we wake up we already know that the day will be hard, though, good or brilliant. Before even starting a new activity we define it as interesting, boring, easy or challenging. Even though we are not totally aware of it, we evaluate everything, we don’t live a single moment of our lives without judging it.
This process of endless evaluation makes us split reality in two: everything is either good or bad, right or wrong. Even if you can judge a situation in many different ways, in the end you will put every event, every meeting and every thought in one of these two main macro-categories: Good and Bad. For example you can evaluate a TV show as interesting, boring, exciting, flat, fantastic, terrible but if someone asks you just for a straight comment you will end up saying either “good” or “bad”. The same goes for anything in our lives. And the more you will think about it, the more you will realise it. Our days are good or bad, the food is good or bad, the weather is good or bad, our neighbourhood is good or bad. It’s like we live in black and white world and it seems there is no way out.
Advantages of the Two-Way life
Some of you might now realise that this is actually true for themselves and feel a little bit frustrated. The desire for a fast change might rise inside you, but a real change is really hard to achieve. It is not like pushing a button or changing the TV channel.
We don’t live a judgement-based life because we are stupid or retarded, we follow this path because it is the easiest. By splitting reality into two big categories we simplify our lives a lot.
When we walk down the street we don’t need to think about our actions to understand whether they are good or bad, someone else has already made this evaluation for us and so we perfectly know what we are expected to do and not to do. When we speak with people we know we are supposed to ask them “how are you” and so we do, even though we often don’t really mind. When we feel sad or upset we just keep saying that we are in a bad mood, that it is nothing. We know that it is not good to bother people with our own problems and furthermore, since feeling bad means feeling bad, we have no reason to go deep inside ourselves and try to understand what really makes us feel sad. If we are not happy or satisfied with our lives it is just because we are not acting the right way, we are not following the right path.
This simple approach to life might also be very useful to become a member of a group of people. If you want to be accepted, the easiest way is probably to start acting like the other members: even if you don’t share their interest or passion and they haven’t ever talked with you, if you start acting perfectly as the other members and participate to their meeting you will most probably do fine. Sometimes being part of group is mostly about doing the same things, being in the same place rather than sharing the same ideas.
The whole matter is actually here: the more you follow the Two-way path the more you put your life on autopilot, the less you use your brain to evaluate and understand what is really happening.
Why you should leave it behind
I don’t want to say that living this way is totally wrong or evil. I simply don’t think it’s worth to choose the easy way instead of struggling for understanding. When you decide to do what others do, to think as everyone else do, you loose your oneness, you simply become a puppet in someone else’s hand.
By telling you that, I don’t mean that you shouldn’t respect the laws or that you should live as an outcast in order not to be influenced by others. The problem is mainly related to the reasons behind our actions rather than on the actions themselves.
I resolved I don’ want to act or think in a certain way just because someone else expects me to do it. When I decide what to do of my days I want to do it in a conscious way, I want to evaluate the pro and cons of every decision from my own point of view. I also value other’s opinion but I am perfectly aware that it can be really different from mine. I try to accept and understand these differences rather than blaming others.
During my journey I have discovered that following this path you will most probably do for the majority of the time what others simply call “the good actions” but you will also develop a more conscious way of thinking that will help you in the process of self-understanding. When people will do things you don’t like you will try to empathise rather than blame them. When you will feel sad you will not just accept it, but instead you will try to look inside yourself in order to figure out what the real problem is. When you do something you don’t like you won’t simply do it because you have to, but rather you will understand the reason that makes you do that action.
By leaving behind a binary approach to life, you will be ready to savour it fully. So, why don’t give it a try?